Drop Bear Bust, Australian Cryptid

You will want to keep your hat on. They go for the scalp first, and they can smell someone who is not from here.

Told with a straight face, because that is the only way it works

Every Australian has watched a visitor’s expression change halfway through this story. You explain about the claws, and the clearing of a whole picnic area, and the fact that Vegemite behind the ears is the only thing that reliably puts them off, and somewhere around the third detail you can see them deciding whether you are serious.

This is that moment, cast in one object.

It is not roaring, and that is the point

Every other predatory koala on the internet is mid-snarl, which is the version that tells you it is a joke. This one is calm. The mouth is closed, the fangs are simply there because they are always there, and it is looking directly at you having already decided something.

A roaring animal is telegraphing. A relaxed one that has made up its mind is considerably worse, and considerably funnier.

Unmistakably a koala, and completely wrong

Round fringed ears, the big leathery nose, thick soft fur across a heavy round head. Everything your brain expects. Then the eyes come forward instead of sideways, the pupils narrow, and two canines rest on the lower lip.

The ears are the best thing on it. Every strand of that fringe is sculpted individually and they are the detail people reach out and touch before they ask what it is.

The claws are the true part

Real koalas have genuinely alarming claws. Long, curved and built for going up a smooth trunk faster than you can. The rest of the drop bear is invented. That bit was always sitting there in plain sight, which is why the story works on people.

Who it is for

Anyone who has ever been solemnly warned. Anyone who has done the warning. Expats, tourists who fell for it, and the friend overseas who will not understand until somebody explains, at which point they will send you a message at two in the morning.

It is also the only creature we make that is entirely ours. There is no film, no studio and no licence anywhere near it. It is just a lie Australians tell, and now it has a face.

Left unpainted

Bare bone-white filament, which is what lets you read the fur. A painted grey version with a dark wash down between the locks is coming.

The numbers

• Printed and finished by hand in Australia, which in this case matters.
• WEIRDO 007. That number belongs to this design and will never be given to another.
• Height to be confirmed. This one came off the bed recently.

Looking after it

The ear fringes are the fragile part. Dust with a soft dry brush rather than a cloth, which will catch and tear one. Lift it by the head, not an ear. Out of direct sun, because PLA softens around 60 degrees.

Ordering one now

Made to order. Order it and yours goes into the next batch, usually within a fortnight, and you are emailed when it goes on the bed and again when it ships.

Change your mind before it is printed and we refund it in full without asking why. After that you still have every right you have under Australian Consumer Law, which we cannot exclude and would not want to.